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I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
John Mendoza

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our ... 		Rate Joke:
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp

There are only two ... 		Rate Joke:
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It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.
Arthur C. Clarke

Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
Friedrich Nietzsche

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter OToole

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